When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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