It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
