Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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