The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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