I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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