i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
