In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
