i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
