Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
