is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
