Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
