wat bout pragnant strippers??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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