god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
