I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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