last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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