i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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