I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
