Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
