i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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