I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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