Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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