If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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