did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
