I smell stomach acid.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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