i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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