I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Shame - the story of my life.
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