Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
soo... how was my night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
