I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
