New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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