I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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