I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
