i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
