i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
tell me about the fingering
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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