Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
