Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
