Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
