So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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