found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
