remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
