You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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