I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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