let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
