I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize