We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
