nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
