Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my shit smells like andre
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
