i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
