Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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