You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
