My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
