hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
