"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
