you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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