i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
