last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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