So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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