why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
