Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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