1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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