I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
