Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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