I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
