Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
