Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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