benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
