We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
