Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize