I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
