Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize