Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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