My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You're like the curious george of whores
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
