My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
