not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
