I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
