I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
