is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i think my cat just said my name.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
