If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
