There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
