Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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