My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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